I’ve been in a lot of pain for the past seven days and it has really got me thinking about perspective.
This morning, I began to sink into a pool of self-pity. Tears streaming down my face I asked myself in desperation, ‘Why is this happening again?’, ‘Why can’t I find relief from this pain?’, ‘Will this ever go away?’, ‘Will I be plagued with this forever?’.
Largely due, I believe, to nearly four years of professional counselling, I was able to fairly quickly pull myself out of this downward mental spiral. I could recognize the various cognitive distortions that were rearing their ugly heads, something I was rarely able to do four years ago.
I remembered that I had the choice to control the narrative of what I was experiencing.
I forced myself to stop treading the waters of self-pity and garner a more balanced perspective: I’m so grateful to have a home that is safe and comfortable. I’m so blessed to have access to medical care, sick days and treatment options. I’m so thankful to have friends and family that genuinely care about my holistic health and well-being. And the list goes on.
This is in no way meant to promote toxic positivity, which dictates that even in the midst of suffering we put on the damaging façade of, “It’s okay. I’m okay. Everything is okay.” I believe that this is often a shame response.
On the contrary, this perspective involves allowing myself to experience my mental, emotional and physical pain and suffering, while simultaneously acknowledging the many blessings I have in my life. It’s encouraging my mind to look at the broader picture and not allowing it to obsessively focus solely on the negative fragment in front of me. This is move away from shame and towards empowerment.
It’s not always an easy practice, but I believe it’s a necessary one, especially if the goal is mental, emotional and psychological wellness. It’s healthy to admit when we are struggling and need help. It’s okay to feel lost and have periods of self-doubt and sadness. But, we must remember that, just like the good times, the bad times are temporary, also. Amidst all the things going wrong, we must not lose sight of all the things going right.
We have the power to alter our narrative. Changing how we think, affects how we feel, which in turn, affects how we behave and the choices we make. Change your perspective, change your reality.